Confession: When COVID-19 banished many of us to our home offices last spring, I was a teeny bit relieved. I’d been spending much of my workday in meetings, which meant a lot of time in the car driving to those meetings. Lockdown meant less drive time and more get-work-done time. And those many meetings? They shifted to videoconferences, typically on a platform known as Zoom.
 
I was a fan at the time. Today, not as much.
 
The relatively seamless move to working virtually got lots of business leaders thinking it could become a long-term arrangement. They envisioned more productive employees and lower overhead costs—less need for office space, reduced utility expenses, and so on.
 
But many months later, these same leaders are having second thoughts. Productivity is down. Videoconferencing generates more fatigue. The imaginative energy that comes from people sitting around a table, or sharing coffee, or just connecting for a few seconds in a hallway, is dimming. JP Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon says remote working is quashing “creative combustion.”
 
As leaders worry about damage to performance and workplace culture, tips and tricks to counter the decline are showing up online. While I’m confident the working world will find the balance, I’m not convinced the answer lies outside of face-to-face, in-person communication. I miss that kind of interaction, and I'm concerned our organizations are losing something without it.
 
I regularly do workshops on strategic communication. Recently I did a workshop for an entirely remote audience—I was in my home office, and they were scattered across the state. The setup was such that I couldn’t even see their faces. While I got some good feedback, I must admit it was an awful experience. In my workshop, I spend a good deal of time underscoring the vital need for communication to be interactive, two-way, a dialogue. There was none of that here. I couldn’t engage the audience, or at least see if I was engaging them. Some of this was how the sponsor set up the event, but much was due to the lack of real human interaction.
 
Zoom and other video platforms—Microsoft Teams, Skype, GoToMeeting, etc.—provide a way to interact, but talking with an image on a computer screen isn’t the same as talking with them in person. The connection is fundamentally different. The relationship isn’t the same.

That's not to say communicators can't adapt. We must, especially since working from home is likely to remain a fixture for businesses long after the pandemic.
 
Even so, clicking on a Zoom link is never going to replace real, interactive communication with another person who is physically present. When COVID-19 eventually fades and the need for remote communication declines, communicators will need to advocate for a reasonable return to face-to-face interaction. The payoff is stronger relationships, renewed creativity and productivity, and a reinvigorated culture where people interact and move forward together.
 
The virtual workplace is here to stay, but we need not—indeed, should not—assume communication approaches must blindly follow.

Among my favorite British television shows is Blackadder. Starring Rowan Atkinson, the series tells the tale of Edmund Blackadder in different eras of England’s history. Each generation’s Blackadder desperately seeks wealth, power, prestige or simple survival. With the exception of the show’s finale—often cited as one of the most powerful moments in television—Blackadder’s efforts, which typically start with the words “I have a cunning plan,” just as typically end in comedic failure.
 
Successful communicators know how to plan strategically. That’s what makes them invaluable to the organization. Our job is to lift the discussion beyond tactics—“Can we make this go viral on Twitter?”—and connect thoughtful, effective strategies to relationship-building and meaningful business goals.
 
And yet, when I lead communication training for my clients, I include this disclaimer: “Good communication doesn’t always result in consensus.” In short, you don’t always win; even the 1927 New York Yankees lost 29% of their games.
 
So what’s a communicator to do when things go south? Here are things to build into your plan:
 
Build in analysis from the start. It’s not good enough to do a survey for the end of a campaign. Make sure you have metrics to check the pulse as you go along. If you’re using digital tools, what do engagement numbers and analytics tools tell you? Are you making progress on your measurable objectives? On the qualitative side, focus groups and advisory circles are useful when developing a plan, but they can also give you valuable feedback during execution.
 
Build in interaction. Too many communication plans are based on delivery. That’s why so many communicators focus on tactics—“Send an email!” “Send a tweet!” “Send a video!” But good communication isn’t something you do to someone; it’s something you do with someone. It must be rooted in interaction—listening to your audience, understanding their perspective, finding common ground, offering your perspective as a path forward, and being willing to change where possible to achieve mutually beneficial results.
 
Build in rapid adaptability. A great, carefully crafted strategic plan can’t be monolithic. Over a decade ago, I helped with a follow-up communication campaign on a company’s retiree benefits. The first effort hadn’t gone well. Retirees were angry. Company leaders launched retiree meetings to explain the changes, but the first one was nearly a mob scene. Over dinner, the leaders admitted to me that their communication efforts fell short. I convinced them to make that admission a key part of the message and to shift the meetings toward more listening. The next retiree meetings began with a heartfelt apology, and the mood changed dramatically. So did the outcome—the company reworked some details of the benefits changes, and most retirees felt heard and understood.
 
Build in a plan for failure. Communicators should never settle for failure, but we must accept that some audiences won’t embrace the message or call to action—and may in fact actively resist. That doesn’t mean the original plan was bad (though a critical analysis is always wise, regardless of success). A good plan, however, will include a strategy for addressing resistance. It may be as robust as engaging naysayers directly or as simple as letting them go. You’ll need to understand and factor in the potential risks and rewards of that strategy.
 
Build in a time to learn. Part of your analysis at the end should be a reflection on what worked, what didn’t, and how you’ll do things differently next time. Be fair to yourself. There lies as much danger in minimizing the wins as there is in ignoring the failures.
 
In Blackadder Goes Forth, World War I Captain Blackadder points out his commanding officers’ “brilliant plan” involves “climbing out of our trenches and walking very slowly towards the enemy.” One officer’s reply? “How could you possibly know that, Blackadder? It’s classified information!”
 
Our task as communicators is to think and act strategically—while recognizing failures will happen and doing our best to manage them effectively.

“It’s a personal choice,” said a customer at a Georgia shopping center, proudly describing why his face was mask-free.
 
“If you want to stay home, stay home. If you want to go out, you can go out,” he continued. “I’m not in the older population. If I was to get it now, I’ve got a 90 percent chance of getting cured. Also, I don’t know anybody who’s got it.”
 
He was right: wearing a mask in public is optional in Georgia. Yet his attitude, as displayed in a recent Washington Post article on the reopening of businesses during the pandemic, is deeply troubling. It reveals a profound lack of empathy.
 
One of the fundamental tenets of public relations is empathy—the ability to understand, share and genuinely reflect the feelings and concerns of others. People expect empathy from their government leaders, their employers and the companies they do business with. They want to know you care about them, especially during a crisis.
 
During my corporate career, I served as a news media spokesperson for 26 site closing and major workforce reductions. Yes, I kept track; I even carried the list on my cellphone. To this day it resides in a file.
 
Why?
 
Because I felt the heartache of the employees and their communities in every single one of those closings, and I never wanted to forget that. The list reminded me that every announcement, and every word I said, impacted real people and their families. Empathy drove me to keep that list and think about those people.
 
Yes, I spoke on behalf of the company, but I also spoke to and for the people who were affected—at times going to extraordinary, and risky, lengths to share that perspective, to offer caring and supportive words (and actions whenever possible) that might help them deal with the new reality.
 
Most businesses understand the need for empathy, and I’m pleased that the ones I work with today embrace it. Likewise, many of my clients are nonprofits, for whom empathy fuels their raison d’etre.
 
But empathy appears scarce elsewhere. Government leaders seem more interested in scoring political points, or stirring their base, than they are in empathy. Many corporations let their empathy be dimmed by the competing focus on benefitting shareholders. And the public’s growing disdain—even outright animosity—of anything that doesn’t serve their individual wants is especially disturbing.
 
Who would have thought that the simple act of wearing a mask to protect others from a deadly disease would be cast as a villainous effort to destroy democracy? Who would have thought a protest against stay-at-home orders could involve armed terrorists—there’s no other way to describe them—bent on intimidating anyone who disagreed? Who would have thought the preventable deaths of more than 90,000 Americans would be dismissed as “not my problem,” or labeled a hoax, or hand-waved away as less-deadly than other fatalities?
 
Yet here we are.
 
The New York Times made a bold move to remind Americans about empathy. On May 24, the entire front page was a list of 1,000 people who have died of COVID-19—not just their names, but their ages, their hometowns and what they did in their lives. On one powerful page, NYT challenged us to reconnect with empathy once again.
 
More than ever, public relations and communication professionals must be the champions of empathy. As we speak for our clients, we must also speak for their constituents. That’s the heart of effective communication—not an act done to someone else, but a dialogue between all parties. We need to understand and feel what others feel.
 
In PR, we serve as a vital bridge between the organizations we represent and the public with whom we communicate. The girders of that bridge are built on empathy. We must preserve them at all cost—because if they’re removed, and the bridge collapses, leaving a chasm that can never be breached.
 

“When things get back to normal.” You hear those words a lot these days. As the pandemic and social-distancing measures linger on, we think wistfully of returning to our favorite restaurant. Of sitting in a ballpark. Of browsing at the store. Of sending kids on playdates. Of going back to the workplace.
 
But here’s the hard reality: “Normal” is, at best, a long way off. And it won’t look like it used to. The sooner PR professionals embrace this, the faster the brands they represent can navigate the new world and the evolving needs of their stakeholders.
 
Making that shift, both mentally and practically, is tough. A crisis of COVID-19’s magnitude demands almost constant attention. Unexpected twists happen daily. It’s too easy for red-marked email messages or urgent phone call to pull us away from longer-term planning.
 
How communicators handle the present is crucial; reputations will be made, preserved and broken. At the same time, we must increase priority on planning for the future.
 
Here are a few forward-looking questions to ask:
 

• What will be the long-term effects of the pandemic on the business? Lockdowns will go away eventually, but we’ll be living with changes and restrictions for months, perhaps years. That will affect every organization. Many nonprofits, for example, will be assessing how the people they serve are affected, how that changes their work for the foreseeable future, and what resources they’ll need (or can count on) to do that work. In some cases, COVID-19’s effects may transform a nonprofit’s mission entirely. That has tremendous impact on communication planning and strategy.
  
• How will people be affected long-term? The pandemic is revealing gaps in just about every aspect of operations—employee benefits, safety net resources, business continuity, marketing and communication strategies, audience engagement, you name it. All of this involves people. Workers have lost jobs. Families have lost income. Communities face economic hardship. Stakeholders may feel disconnected. A robust PR plan will understand those effects, focus on authentic empathy and encouragement, and point to relevant, meaningful support for those affected.
• What unique strengths can your organization bring to the post-pandemic reality? It’s tempting to think about turning a crisis into a business-growth prospect. That’s a sure path to a reputation of being opportunistic and predatory. Instead, you should look at specific strengths you offer to drive an equitable recovery for all. What’s unique to you? Where can you partner with others to do more? How can your stakeholders become part of that work? Use targeted, diverse communications to help audiences understand and connect with you on these points. Business growth may come, but being an authentic champion for recovery should be the first priority.
  
• What does success look like? A hope-filled future, one that’s believable and attainable, that includes everyone, is more important than ever. Good, interactive communication can describe that future and engage people in the journey. Even now, while crisis mode remains in full force, we can take the first steps in developing that story.

 
The faster you can pivot to PR and communication strategies building toward recovery, the better positioned you’ll be to strengthen your impact, bring your stakeholders along and adapt yourself to the new “normal.”

The past six days have been a communications rollercoaster.
 
Every industry and every organization is struggling to come to grips with COVID-19, an illness caused by a novel coronavirus that has swept the globe. From a federal government that, at best, is responding in fits and starts, to overwhelmed hospitals, to families faced with layoffs and curtailed income, the pandemic is upending life in ways unseen in over a century.
 
Admittedly, 10 days ago I was mildly concerned by what was happening in China, Italy and Washington State, but I still leaned a bit toward the “we’re overreacting” side of the conversation. My thinking changed within a couple of days.
 
Incredibly, there are still people who think the risk of COVID-19 is small. They claim it’s media hype—“fake news,” nothing more than a bad flu, perhaps not even as deadly as flu. 
 
As a counterpoint, an Italian filmmaker assembled a video from individual clips of fellow Italians describing life in a country essentially locked down. Many of them were skeptical at the beginning of the pandemic; now they’re serving as voices from the future for the United States, where COVID-19 is just starting to ramp up.
 
In short, the naysayers are wrong. Terrifyingly wrong.
 
Fortunately, a great many organizations and people are striving to get it right. Over the past six days, I’ve had the privilege of assisting five different nonprofit agencies that are making quick decisions, tough decisions, right decisions, to protect the health of people while relentlessly pursuing ways to meet their needs.
 
For each of them, communication is a priority—engaging their employees, their supporters, and most importantly, the people they serve.
 
At times, communication must be innovative. Face-to-face gatherings are out. Social media, email, news media, videoconferencing, texting and other communication tools must do. Connecting with other organizations—across town, across functions—and aligning the work and the message assures broader impact. Rapid response, partnerships, sharing of resources—these things and more are driving the message and benefitting the people involved.
 
Those benefits are astounding. Corporations, foundations and nonprofits are coming together to raise crucial cash to meet near- and long-term needs. Action teams involving government, service agencies, nonprofits and private businesses are rallying expertise and sharing insights to help the community. Leaders are facing criticism head-on, yet with an open mind and open heart. Others reaffirm their commitment to honesty and transparency, even when there’s risk involved.
 
And while we hear seemingly endless stories of people hoarding toilet paper or operating a hand sanitizer black market, the stories we need to hear are those of heroic organizations that are doing the right things.
 
Because it matters to real people in real, meaningful ways.
 
For PR professionals, as challenging as communicating in a crisis invariably is, there’s nothing more satisfying than to be part of that honest and affirming work.

* Spoiler alert: This blog includes details of the first episode of Star Trek: Picard. *
 
Captain Jean-Luc Picard, the wise and fearless commander of the starship Enterprise, has vanquished countless alien foes. So it’s surprising to see a news reporter finally take him down.
 
Thus goes a powerful and uncomfortable scene in the new CBS All-Access series, Star Trek: Picard. And it’s a moment from which all good communicators can learn.
 
The show follows the titular hero, played by Sir Patrick Stewart, decades after his adventures in the television series Star Trek: The Next Generation. Picard gave up his life in Starfleet after a terrorist attack quashed a rescue mission he was coordinating. Years later, agreeing to his first-ever live TV interview, Picard abruptly loses his temper under a reporter’s tough questions, accusing Starfleet of turning its back on people in need.
 
As I watched the scene unfold, it was clear even before he sat down for the interview that Picard was wholly unprepared. He wasn’t sure what he would be asked or what he would say; perhaps overly confident after a career of facing galactic threats, Picard seemed content to just wing it.
 
Lack of preparation before a media interview isn’t just a problem for future starship captains. Too many leaders today think that being comfortable in an employee meeting or an investor presentation fully equips them for a news interview. Even some PR people don’t think take media opportunities as seriously as they should. That puts organizations and brands at risk.
 
Here’s what Picard’s failure can teach us today:

• Prepare for every interview. The captain’s humiliation was his own fault. In failing to prepare, he did a disservice to himself, the reporter and her audience. Yes, she purposely goaded him, but he lost his temper because he wasn’t ready for a question that any good reporter would (and did) ask. He should have anticipated it and had his response ready.
• Own the interview. In the scene, Picard ceded control of the interview almost entirely to the reporter. When I conduct media training, I show people how they can deliver their messages effectively while still acknowledging the question and honoring the reporter. Remember, a media interview isn’t a court of law; the interviewer can’t make you say anything you don’t want to say.
• Say what you want to say, how you want to say it. Perhaps Picard welcomed the opportunity to call out Starfleet. But he didn’t come across as prepared and focused; he came across as angry. Rarely, a little righteous anger can augment a message, but usually it just obscures it. People remember the rage rather than the point. Stay cool, have your messages ready, and deliver them often.
• Don’t walk out. Storming out of an interview isn’t a win. When Picard did it, he looked like he was ill-equipped, a little petulant and a whole lot embarrassed. Walking out is almost never the right play; it sends a message that you have something to hide. Now, if a reporter has been completely deceitful, then I might reluctantly support a walkout. But contrary to TV dramas, ethical reporters don’t work that way. If you get a question or topic you weren’t expecting, and it’s legitimate and relevant to you and your work, the responsibility is on you. Answer the question, or explain why you can’t, and circle back to your message points.

 
The rest of the episode shows the good captain embracing a mystery and renewing his commitment to doing things good and right. Star Trek: Picard promises to be a fun and thought-provoking series. Let’s hope Jean-Luc's next encounter with the news media is one for which he’s fully prepared.

The misguided practice of doing media relations by not doing media relations continues to grow. PR professionals must put a stop to it.
 
Sadly, the practice got an “attaboy” last month in a blog headlined, “Why a Brand Not Responding Is Sometimes the Best Response.” While the writer didn’t promote so-called “strategic silence” in all cases, she did suggest topics to which it might apply: legal and regulatory issues, personnel matters, financial transactions, and times when you can’t keep up with the volume of calls.
 
I’ve blogged on this issue before. Then, as now, I consider the behavior lousy and cowardly PR.
 
What drives “strategic silence” is not strategy, but an assumption. The assumption is that the news media owe their livelihood to PR people: We provide content so they can report it; therefore, what we don’t provide isn’t worth covering.
 
That assumption is false. Yes, we represent our clients and their interests. Part of promoting our clients is working with news media to gain coverage, or to do our best to get our clients’ voices heard in good times and bad. But accomplishing this isn’t a one-way process. Public relations and media relations are … wait for it … relational.
 
That means understanding what reporters need. That means knowing what interests their audience. That means being as responsive and as transparent as possible. That means your client (or your client through you) speaking for themselves—because if they don’t, others will do it for them. When we’re relational, we build trust and strengthen the client’s brand.
 
Are there times when you must limit your comments, such as the examples the blogger cites? Of course. But there’s a big difference between restricting your comments and ignoring the ask. Even a simple “we can’t comment on pending litigation” respects the reporter, the news outlet, the relationship and the audience.
 
The only example on which I’ll reluctantly agree with the blogger is capacity—when you can’t keep up with the queries. That’s happened in my experience, albeit rarely. When I couldn’t tap coworkers to help, I had to prioritize media callbacks and do what I could as quickly and thoroughly as possible. But that’s a far cry from deliberately tossing a pink “While You Were Out” slip or hitting “Delete” on voicemail.
 
In short, the news media don’t owe us coverage. We have to earn it by building trust, by understanding what they need, and by being responsive. There’s no excuse for deliberately going silent. It’s guaranteed to hurt your relationship with reporters and their audience—and ultimately damage your brand.
 
In the practice of public relations, silence isn’t golden.

For those in PR who think the news media’s public opinion woes aren’t our woes, some new research says otherwise.
 
Bay Area PR firm Bospar partnered with market researcher Propeller Insights to survey people’s opinions of the news media, public relations and marketing. You can find full results here. Some highlights:

• 95% of respondents said they were troubled by the current state of the media.
• 67% fear things will be worse during the 2020 election cycle.
• 42% believe ethics in PR and marketing are worse than in the past.

 
Interestingly, respondents’ opinions on ethics in PR and among news media were almost precisely the same. Bospar Principal Curtis Sparrer suggested that’s because the public sees the two as increasingly intertwined.
 
Not sure my journalist friends would agree, and even I’m not ready to suggest we’re “intertwined.” But our two professions do interact more than ever, whether over the phone, over email, or over news events. This relationship requires the PR profession to make sure it operates with the highest ethical standards.
 
I’ve said this many times: The Fourth Estate is vital to the health and future of our society. Those who applaud the demise of yet another newspaper or media outlet are celebrating the decline of truth, transparency and our nation’s wellbeing. Yet newsrooms are shrinking, and journalists are struggling to do more with less. I think that’s a place where ethical PR pros can step up to provide trustworthy, meaningful and relevant content.
 
That requires us to understand what today’s journalist needs. It requires us to know the audience that a media outlet serves, and not to try the useless—and ultimately self-destructive—work of force-feeding irrelevant or unwelcome content to journalists. It requires us to reflect on the content we have to offer to make sure it connects and aligns.
 
Many times I’ve told clients who wanted a tepid story placed or ho-hum event highlighted that it wasn’t the right fit. If I’m lucky, I can find a connection that’s relevant to the audience. Sometimes, I simply have to say “no.”
 
Some would suggest that’s letting a client down. I say it’s doing PR from a place of truth, ethics and relevance. And it’s helping the client understand what matters to the audience and how they can connect with them better.
 
The Bospar survey found 86% of people expect PR and marketing to operating ethically. I think that ought to be 100%. And when half that many say we aren’t doing it right, we need to do much more than heave a sad sigh. We must do better—and we can start by embracing our role as trustworthy, ethical, relevant resources for journalists as well as for our clients.
 
September is designated by the Public Relations Society of America as Ethics Month. See PRSA’s Code of Ethics here.

Admittedly, the headline on this blog may seem odd for an agency that specializes in strategic communications. But the word “strategy” gets thrown around so much these days, I fear it’s losing both its meaning and its indispensable role in communication and in leadership.
 
Years ago, I set a goal of running the Boston Marathon. To do that, I had to run a qualifying time in a different marathon. So I developed my strategy: I selected an ideal marathon, worked up a training regimen, and planned my pace. I shared my strategy with more accomplished runners, and they affirmed it as sound.
 
The outcome on marathon day? I failed, finishing more than 10 minutes slower than a Boston qualifying time. Why? I focused so much on strategy that I neglected to heed the tactics of the plan.
 
I competed in a long-distance race just two weeks before the marathon, when I should have been tapering. I ran the first half of the marathon 30 seconds per mile faster than planned, leaving me trashed in the second half. And I didn’t consume the calories I should have during the run, which left me depleted in the final miles.
 
This wasn’t a failure of strategy. This was a failure of tactical execution.
 
I think this happens all the time, and not just in PR, communications and marketing. It happens at every level in countless organizations. Leaders embrace the call to “be strategic,” creating thoughtful plans that others can implement. Yes, that makes sense—except when the organization expects everyone to “be a leader” and to “be strategic.” Without careful guidance on this point, you wind up with an organization full of great ideas with no one making them work.
 
Symptoms of this too-narrow approach: Ideas that never go anywhere. Needs that don’t get addressed. People eager to create strategies but not execute at the tactical level. Missed details and dropped balls. Individuals who feel less valued because their strategic skillset isn’t as strong as their tactical prowess—in other words, they’re left believing they “aren’t strategic enough.”
 
We’ve diminished the word “strategy.” We’ve allowed it to become a buzzword, a self-professed status, a solitary defense, instead of what it should be: a driving force for an organization’s direction and success. (Notice I said “a driving force,” not “the driving force.)
 
When I create a strategic communication plan, I spend a lot of time considering the tactics needed to make that strategy successful. What are the right tactics to drive the measurable outcome? Which tactics fit with the audience? How are those tactics best executed? Who will do that work, and when, and what is the cost? And crucially: Are all of these tactics doable with the resources—people, finances, time—available?
 
Am I failing to be strategic when I give such attention to tactics? I would argue not. So long as my starting point is with a sound and meaningful strategy, the tactical detail is critical to delivering what the strategy promises.
 
Don’t misunderstand my point. Strategy is essential. Tactics absent a strategy is a recipe for doom. But we need to quash the idea that it’s an either/or proposition. It’s both. Strategy must always be inextricably linked with tactics.
 
The Chinese philosopher Sun Tzu, author of The Art of War, said it best: “Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat.”

The Southern California sun poured its fierce rays upon the large, white tent nestled near the spectator stands alongside the pool at USC. Inside the tent, broiling in the summer heat, was a gaggle of sports reporters from around the world. Now and then, a parade of elite swimmers would pass through, their faces split by canyon grins, their pruned hands clutching medals of gold, silver and bronze. They gushed; the reporters smiled and took notes.

Oh yeah, and there was this other group, a motley crew in strangely colored clothing, all malachite green and mustard yellow and a dash of hot magenta.

I know because I was one of them.

It was August 2, 1984, the sixth day of the Games of the XXIIIrd Olympiad in Los Angeles. The day would bring medal winners from five finals through that simmering tent. I sat nearby, garbed in the aforementioned garish uniform, recording and transcribing one of the medalists' remarks. Later, I would type up the Q&A and fax it to the Main Press Center at the LA Convention Center two miles away. Those quotes would wind up in newspapers and magazines, on TV and radio across the globe.

Thus was my first professional experience following college: a journey west with a friend to serve for three weeks in Press Operations at the Olympic Games. We aspired to track and field; we ended up at the swim venue, our second choice.

It struck me earlier this week that those Games happened 35 years ago. I shake my head to think of all those years gone by, of the wiry kid I was, of a lifetime in the windshield before me then, now most of it in the rearview mirror.

What do I feel? Mostly gratitude for the road traveled. And still a bit of that young man's anticipation of the journey remaining.

I wrote of my Olympic experience before, in a series of blogs posted for the 30th anniversary in 2014. I invite you to share in those adventures--quirky, frightening, exasperating, always memorable, and just plain fun--at these links:

Part 1: 'Badges? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Badges'
Part 2: 'You! You, I No Love!'
Part 3: Gold Medals and Teddy Bears
Part 4: That Time I Accidentally Propositioned an Olympic Champion
Part 5: The Faux-pening Ceremonies and Final Thoughts